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Archive for April, 2009

Finally… here’s your cookie

Brilliant. Thanks to 52 Weeks.

3455427570_2d66682953jpg

What we are talking about is the expectation of, or the giving of, accolades to people for merely meeting the basic standards of non-misogyny. So you think women are people? Well yeah, that is great, but it is not exactly above and beyond the call of duty is it?

See all the cookies here.

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April 22, 1994

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*Miss California

I do not want to talk about beauty pageants. I want to say I’m surprised they still happen but I’m not… I don’t care about them, I don’t pay attention to them and I think they are a stupid waste of time; I think they are demeaning and sexist and again… usually don’t pay attention.

But.

Because I listen to the radio and hang around on teh internets, I know there was a pageant and a contestant who did not win, and feels she lost “her” crown because of being honest about her feelings about same sex marriage.

Whatever.

Another 11 year old boy killed himself this week. Another one.

He was bullied at school.

It seems he also was accused of being gay. (Whether or not either of these boys identified as gay is not the point, the point is that the focus, or at least a focus of the bullying is a gay identity or suspicion of being gay is worthy of harassment.)

No one did anything to stop the bullying.

After all, they were just being honest about how they felt, weren’t they?

Weren’t they?

***

What I hear people talking about is whether or not a person can say how they feel about an issue.

What I don’t hear people talking about (in MSM) is the distinction between about the way people “personally feel” about an issue and how public policy gets shaped around the way people “personally feel” and as a result, other people’s real life circumstances are affected. It’s not just that people have a “feeling” about someone’s “preference” or “lifestyle” (and if I never hear those words again in this context, it’s okay by me). It’s that people don’t think, or don’t care that negative feelings get translated into policies and laws that dictate whether or not a person has health insurance, gets tax benefits, is able to inherit from or leave an inheritance to someone they love, raise children, visit a hospitalized spouse, be a member of a faith community, etc etc etc.

Or be safe from bullies – young and old.

Or feel as if life is worth living.

No offense to anybody out there.

ETA other voices:

It is not enough to simply say ‘be kind,’ put up a “No Bullies Welcome Here” poster or encourage the golden rule, like Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover’s school did. We have to acknowledge and take action to address the fact that students are targeted because they defy gender norms. We have to stop acting as if it is generic meanness that causes so much pain, and confront the fact that all too often, it is very specifically anti-gay hostility that is the root of the problem.

http://elleabd.blogspot.com/2009/04/again.html

http://suburblezmom.blogspot.com/2009/04/another-boy-kills-himself.html

http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2009/04/21/another-11-year-old-boy-commits-suicide-after-homophobic-bullying/

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some mother’s son

some mother’s son lies dead today
cold stone
like a tomb

hung
like a thief
on a tree

cruelty’s victim

now he is not
here
some mother’s son
some brother
nephew
friend

tomorrow
is
resurrection day

greetings will ring in the chilly easter air
He is risen
He is risen indeed

while this mother’s son
lies still

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I rather love this….

And I agree with Dorothy Snarker, from whom I stole this – when the universe gets you down, watch silly videos on youtube.

It’s been rough over here in all kinds of ways – so let’s just everybody dance. Things’ll get better, won’t they?

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Awe. Some.

h/t belledame222
derailing

Derailing for Dummies

You know how it is. You’re enjoying yourself, kicking back and relaxing at the pub or maybe at the library; or maybe you’re in class or just casually surfing the internet, indulging in a little conversation. The topic of the conversation is about a pertinent contemporary issue, probably something to do with a group of people who fall outside your realm of experience and identity. They’re also probably fairly heavily discriminated against – or so they claim.

The thing is, you’re having a good time, sharing your knowledge about these people and their issues. This knowledge is incontrovertible – it’s been backed up in media representation, books, research and lots and lots of historical events, also your own unassailable sense of being right.

Yet all of a sudden something happens to put a dampener on your sharing of your enviable intellect and incomparable capacity to fully perceive and understand All Things. It’s someone who belongs to the group of people you’re discussing and they’re Not Very Happy with you. Apparently, they claim, you’ve got it all wrong and they’re offended about that. They might be a person of colour, or a queer person. Maybe they’re a woman, or a person with disability. They could even be a trans person or a sex worker. The point is they’re trying to tell you they know better than you about their issues and you know that’s just plain wrong. How could you be wrong?

Don’t worry though! There IS something you can do to nip this potentially awkward and embarrassing situation in the bud. By simply derailing the conversation, dismissing their opinion as false and ridiculing their experience you can be sure that they continue to be marginalised and unheard and you can continue to look like the expert you know you really are, deep down inside!

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